July 03, 2005

Turn on the Telly

Japanese TV - there's really nothing you could say that could describe it.

Predominantly it is actually mostly boring, with the most interesting thing being the advertisements, which aren't to frequent (only in Japan would you want more commercials interrupting the show). It is a lot of women, and men, trying food and going "Sugoi" (Wow), "Oishii" (Delicious) and "Umai" (Yum). Occassionally "Karai" (spicy) and "Amai" (sweet) maybe thrown in. Oh and "Nnnnn" (Mmmm/yeah). Though I did watch three girls shriek "Kowai" (Scary/WTF!) as they lifted the lid of the dish and found a live tortoise. Nice to see Japanese people can be freaked out by local dishes (apparently the cook cracked off the outer bits of the leathery shell and added it to the soup, the turtle was allegedly unharmed by this, and the shell would grow back - I assume).

Other things are the news, which for May was "look at how cute raccoons are when they stand on two legs" and for June was "Gee it's hot" - occasionally small bits of actual news, like a 15 y.o. killing his parents and leaving them in a workers lodgings with the cooking gas left on to set for an explosion, actually make it in there too. (Yes, I teach English)

Games shows - in which only Tarento (Talents/Celeberities) compete - but it means you can hurt them with electric shocks, make them do stupid stunts, or eat gross food. Talk shows - again with Tarents. Dramas. Childrens shows. Lots of English education. Some Spanish, German and Chinese education. And if I'm lucky maybe some anime.

Whats good:
  • Viewtiful Joe - this oddly titled anime (V=B in Japanese) is about V. Joe a superhero who fights dangerous monstrous constructs with a Sexy Sonia (thats not her name, but its Sexy something - Sylvia, ty Wikipedia) and Captain Blue Junior. Joe says weird half Japanese English sleaze/cool phrases all the time. My first episode had a cameo of Charlie's Angels. And now I've watched as Joe has slowly turned the bad guy's Android (a naked golden female Android) into a good guy - much too the chagrin of the Octopus evil-thing and black female elf.
  • After Viewtiful Joe is the Crazy Princess Anime show (I don't know its name) - but I have to go to work at this point, but sometimes I watch a first few minutes. Crazy Princess show has two girl princesses who live inside a hollow asteroid/moon (yes inside) and fly from theire castle in the middle of the asteroid to the lands below(?) which are populated with other princesses, and princes too. And have girlish adventures. They also have a pet mouse who can fly and talk.
  • Electric Shock game show. Constestants have to solve a puzzle before the time runs out by writing the answer on a touch screen. Humourously wrong answers are broadcasted. Losers get an electric shock. And yes, they are celebrities. When I first saw this the hosts were two monkeys. But now I've worked out the theme changes every week. Last week was a shark.
  • Tengu-dildo Insano High School Quiz Show --- The mascot for this show is a red goblin (tengu?) with an incredibly long nose that resembles a personal massage device. Contestants/Hosts where a cross between nazi and high school uniforms. Most of what I've seen is a roving reporter interviews people on the street. Words are bleeped out, contestants fill in the blanks. But it has other formats too.
  • Womanly Volcano Explosion - I think this is a segment of a Woman's morning program like Kerrie Anne (but without Kerrie Anne - thank word). Real women describe bad experiences with men, their voices are disguised (often with an electronic helium mask - which appears to be popular in Japan) and photos are shown up, but pixelated. The entire story is re-enacted by Japanese (minor? celeb) actors. Which means that they incredibly overact. Name comes from a volcano which was used to show how the women went from angry, to angry, to insanely mad. Which means they go and do something crazy --- such as paint a cheating boyfriend's house with Natto.
  • SMAP x SMAP - SMAP is a Japanese boyband. And they have their own show - which is awesome. SMAP are also used as contestants/hosts/people in lots of shows. One is the ultra-cool guy in Engine.
  • Engine - the only Japanese drama worth watching., but its over now
  • Red girl Dying Crying Drama - not worth watching, butnothing else good is on at the time, and she's dead now, so I think its over.
  • The Misaki Story. The best of English education. Japanese girl Misaki works for an American-Japanese company. She's not motivated at work, but has a crush on an American colleague Mike. As it happens, God sends an English speaking (Swedish?) Angel to motivate her to work harder, learn English, and get Mike. Sadly this finished to. I'm also partial to the Spanish education program which follows, if only for the opening theme.
  • I can't find any Anime I'm used to -- I did find OnePiece today, but I've only heard of it in passing. Naruto is apparently on Wednsday at 7:30, which means that with my old schedule I could've possibly have made it, but not anymore :( ---- why did I only find out now?) Anime I have been watching includes V.Joe. Crazy Princess. Handcuffed desert war adventure saga. Lost in the Forest while Space Training feat. giant talking forest teddy bear --- seriously they have been lost and starving and seperated in that forest since I've been here --- and they all have GPS on them being tracked by their supervisor, who doesn't seem to care.

I also saw an anime last weekend which featured a typically "fighting round the world" story (DBZ, One Piece, Naruto). But had a blond haired boy carrying one of those Japanese tops with the ball and cup/hammer that you try to catch. Except it was massive, styled like warhammer - and had a freaking moustache and long tengu dildo nose floated aout and talked to everyone. WTF!

Yes. Japanese Anime is seriously weird shit.

In my first week in Hitachi I decided to read at this ELBA/net cafe because the computers were taken. The two manga I picked up were Chaosic Rune and Nana (but not the famous one).

Chaosic Rune is a bit like Yugi-oh. Card monster fighting battle tournaments. But instead of just hologrammic monsters - when you play a card a three skeletal hands burst out of your chest open a portal to your soul, and then your monster bursts out of your chest. Additionally whatever fate befalls your monster befalls you. So yes, its a tale of 11 year olds butchering each other with monstrous embodiments of their souls - for fun. I have a feeling there was some sinister side, and the hero (his girlfriend, and another little girl) actually didn't want to be fighting and were tricked into it somehow - I should try to look at the rest of the series. And also disturbingly the whole premise (not just the standard card fighting scenario) seems so familiar as if I've seen it before.

Nana is about a boy whose Dad invents a robotic girl, and makes the boy look after her. Except the controls are in the girls breasts. So he has to unbutton her shirt and grope her breasts to make her work after she collapses (which happens frequently). He has a real girlfriend, who isn't impressed that he suddenly has a busty blonde girl livinbg with him. And that she occassionally jiggles her breasts. Also that he know instinctively jiggles with a girls breasts if she faints (inc. his girlfriend). Bear in mind this is still 12-15 year olds. Too make matters work father invents a second robot (brunnett, and smaller this time) who also now lives with hin, has a crush on him, and has the power to change her visage into three different girls (therefore his girlfriend can sometimes be under the impression he's living with 4 girls, not just two). Both robots have rockets in there feet ala astroboy too. But sometimes there feet explode when they use them too much.

Ahh. Groping of robotic breasts and homocidal card games --- Gotta love Japan.

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