March 09, 2005

Monkeys stole my memories

Via Mayfield Diaspora, I present you with EveryVideoGame.com.

It will remind you of a bygone era where video games required complex dexterity, speed, intelligence, problem solving skills; Featured low quality sprites, nonsensical stories with absolutely no depth, and poorly construed and/or translated dialogue; and when throngs of magazine walk throughs, cheat code databases and the internet weren't there to guide you every step of the way.

In short. When video games were shite.

It was shit stage between ATARI (eg. Pacman, Space Invaders) and the Playstation (or at least Super Nintendo).

Seriously anyone tries to talk to you of the golden-age of gaming, give them this link, and watch them grovel back to you. Sure basic platformers like Mario, or fighting games like Mortal Kombat were great, thats why they haven't changed much over the years. But it was overloaded with shit like Dynamite Dux (the game that I actually had the most success with today), Alex the Kid and Shinobi (in my mind this was the awesomest game ever - thanks for ruining my childhood memories). And you couldn't even dream of a decent strategy or RPG.

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After several hours of disappointment with my l33t gaming skills, and burning my retinas trying to follow such small screens. I watched Monkeybone. It is fecking awesome. Never mind Harry: He's Here To Help, which was on the same tape (French and boring) -- Monkeybone is the bomb!!

I remember reading a review of this in in the paper years ago when it was in major cinemas. As usual the reviewer knew Jack Schitt. He gave the impression this was some half-animated half-live Brechtian feast of confusion art-film of a "it was all a dream" style. Totally ignore the last sentance, because that has absolutely nothing to do with this awesome film.

Think Never Ending Story, no, better yet, Labrinth, except for adults, and by Tim Burton, on crack, and less stupid fairytale moral.

Its starts of semi-normal, goes crazy in Dreamland ("Downtown"), and then into absolute insanity, before culminating in a zany yet beautiful happy ending (and an awesome end line: "People, for the love of God, take of your clothes!").

As well as Brendan Fraser, its got Bridget Fonda, Whoopi Goldberg, Stephen King, and Rose McGowan as a sexy cat-girl. I also think it has the person who plays Karen in "Will and Grace", though without the annoying high-pitched voice it was hard to tell.

Go find it and watch it. I now want a DVD.

PS - BLEEDING EDGE: goth dolls

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