Just let me bite down as you kick my head into the gutter

Big Brother has started again in Australia - and actually has small hopes of vindicating reality TV. They have not gone for throwing in various mix of subcultures into the house to watch it boil and explode, there are no over-the-top gay prima donnas, just a bunch of narcisstic guys, semi-hot average girls, one mormon, and a geek. They have instead gone for superior twist pulling psychological experimentation - with a hidden couple, a blast from the past and the insanity inducing White Room. Sure it's silly and superficial still, but I think it will at least be slightly more "real" and at least entertaining.

I've recently had a different experience with another Australian reality television show - Australian Idol.

In their attempt to liven up an old genre, Aus Idol had gone to various regional centres in attempt to get more, or perhaps, new chumps for those shows. With auditions being held at Rockhampton, I thought, "Hell Yeah! Good way to spend an afternoon". Although spending around six hours in cue until 10pm though sort of pulled some fun out of the experience.

Regardless, with an audition with a vocal coach, followed by one with producers and executive producer - and I was given a ticket to Brisbane. Now in hindsight it seems, this was probably as much based on my attire than my singing talent. You'd be surprised how many people think you are trying to make some sort of political statement when you wear a T-shirt saying "Bacon is a vegetable". It's stupid. It's supposed to be stupid. That makes it funny, or ironic, or something. Get over it.

Cut a long story short: I choked. I sucked. And I copped a lot of shit from three male judges (poor Marcia I think was left speechless at the tragedy). If I find a youtube version of it I'll put it up. I still don't know if it will air on television. I am sort of hoping not. I didn't really handle cameras and TV well when focus was on me. What little talent and ego I had just was not displayed that day.

The judges did appear to be out to get me from the start, with comments about my appearance, and then questions like: "You live with your mother?" "You have a lady (ladies?) (man?) (lady?) in your life?" "Do you have human body parts in your refridgerator?" can really be off putting. The comments after the performance were worse, but at least they were deserved, my performance truly sucked, and I'm not in denial about that.

The day was definitely not a great day. There wasn't too much positive energy in a bunch of just over 50 musical performers who all felt hot, tired and just wanted to get it over, and more importantly get in. I got to know the guys who came down from Rocky (about 6 of us, plus 1 from Cairns, 1 from Bundy, and a couple of people who had driven from palces closer to Brisbane just so they could audition earlier). I think 3 Rocky auditionees went through, to top 100 including Luke Churchill - a 17 year old guitar/vocals kid who just has it all. I will be very surprised if nothing comes out of this experience for him.

Other people who got through, a couple just seemed absolute narcissists. Which can just be a little too much, but I guess its part of the successful persona you need. But seriously saying the words, "Do you want me to do that again?", to a camera after you just put on a staged performance in a reality television program makes you a jerk who is asking for a glassing.

Andrew G is a champion. Definitely kept the atmosphere going when he was around. I was able to witness one very interesting John Mayer impression while waiting for judgement.

Another disappointing part of the day was that I didn't get a free day in Brisbane. I got a free airplane trip, and a day spent at the hotel. Luckily I knew K downstairs in the bar from highschool. She thought it was great, we had done musicals together. She's actually a Performing Arts graduate. She also scored me free lunch, drinks and snacks. Inside contacts rule (that's why we are using a pseudonym). It also meant I couldn't up with K's boyfriend, another friend from high school, Or another girl I know from Yeppoon diaspora.

So that's my fun Idol experience. Let's hope it doesn't get shared anymore.

*auditions*australian idol*failure*train wreck*brisbane*luke churchill*big brother*reality tv*winner*choke*narcissist*andrew g*john mayer*rude*zayzayem*bacon is a vegetable*