March 27, 2005

HAPPY EASTER

W00t = Mandatory drunk post on a teen blog

Okay. So I'm twenty.
And I'm probably not as drunk as most drunk-teen posts (though I will be the first to admit my Cadbury status)

And I'm going to spend this entire post just complaining about the stupidity of THE FUTURE IS WILD (HERE and HERE)

Trust a bunch of geeks to make hypothetical evolution 3D animation crap. And I mean it that these are geeks. Just by looking at them with their gittish beards, suspenders and uncontrollable pelvic rocking you can tell that these are science nerds that pokemon-addicts would bash up.

Within less than five minutes of both shows I've seen has left me going "Oh this is soooo crap".

The first one I saw had weird termite-hive mentality transposed onto Spiders who would "farm" rat-like mammals using captured grass-seeds. Interesting, but still a load of hooey.

The squid-forest I saw tonight compounded this as bunch of German government funding gone to a terrible waste. The opening says that in "200 millionyears the world be like it has never been before". Yet within the first 5 minutes we are greeted by "al continets becoming one landmass" (oh that has never happened before), "squid" (orighinal?) but they are giant sqid - like ELEPHANTS!. And a big rainforest (like maybe the AMAZON!) but its made of lichen (THEY EXIST ALREADY!) and carnivorous slime moulds (slime moulds are contempory) and Flish a hybrid of two contemporary animals Fish and Birds - THEY EVEN HAVE BEAKS!!! - its like CG bird with scales (and coploured like a hummingbird). And trust me it doesn't get better. Ther are "squibbons" - you guessed it (or maybe you didn't) - squids that are just like gibbons. Monkeys with 8 legs.

And while it briefly touches on interesting mechanisms - such as slime mould dispersion by giant-squid parasitism, giant squid communication, cephalapod (lack of) bone structure, and the possibility of societal psychology developing in cephalopds. ITS A LOAD OF FUXCING CRAP!. I'm sorry it just is.

No amount of beard, poor vision, suspenders or indeed uncontrollable pelvic rocking will change that this is crap, and not only crap, but UNORIGINAL CRAP!

You have CGI at your disposal, make something abso-fracking-lutely unbelievable - because that what evolution over 200 million years brings about. New stuff. New crazy insane unthinkable stuff. Not a squid that acts exactly like an elephant. Try something that is absolutely unlike any contemporary animal. 200 million years ago, the idea that a bipedal ape with the cognitive inventive and innovative abilty to use tools would have been unimaginable. If they'd be making films, they'd have squids walking about like brontosaurs (because guess what SQUIDS ARE OLD)

Okay, I'm miffed. And slightly inebriated. and ever so slighty geekish. Maybe I should've written on this sbject before I went out, but I doubt it would've been any clearer. Who cares. Ta-dah. Lets see what this looks like in the morning....

PS - HOW TO SET UP A THREESOME

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